As coaches, we strive for excellence in partnering with our clients to create a better future for them. Here's an idea about how we can create a better future for the coaching profession. I believe the coaching world would be a better place if we abolish one question from our toolkit. Our clients would be better off if we never asked this question again, if we left this particular question for other professions to ask, and committed to ourselves and each other to replace it with a useful coaching question.
You may have guessed the question. I'm talking about the "How do you feel about that?" question.
Each time I hear a coach use this I want to lovingly and gently scream at the top of my lungs "NO! For the sake of your client, don't use it there, or here, or anywhere in the coaching conversation. Please."
Let me explain why. This question has a similar effect to accidentally but painfully stepping on someone's foot. It keeps that person focused on the pain of the here and now which is mostly a less attractive place to be than in the future. Until the pain dies down, the person cannot fully move ahead. And allow me to challenge you a little further with another thought about that question. When we ask "how do you feel about that" are we not really saying "I don't know what to ask you next so I am going to keep you on that thought a little longer so I, the coach, can think"? I'm challenging you on that because I believe with moderate listening you would already have a really good idea about what your client thinks about what they have just told you.
Let's not tread on our client's foot and keep them focused on the present. Let's be bold and move them forward with more powerful questions. What I want for you is to play more powerfully in the space of moving forward with your clients and to feel confident to leave behind those commonly used questions that have no role in powerful coaching conversations.
I invite you to join me by vowing to yourself that every time you are tempted to throw in the question "how do you feel about that" you will instead replace it with a useful coaching question or statement to move your client forward. It's amazing the effect this one small change will have on your coaching.
In closing, I welcome your answers to the title question but would really like to ask an alternative, more useful question, "How will you use your reaction to this blog to engage more powerfully with your clients?"
Jenny Edis, PCC
ICF Professional Certified Coach
